It’s all (eventually) okay.

These days when I talk to others about my past experiences with GR’s cancer and death and loss and widowhood and anything and everything that has transpired in my life since February 21, 2016, I sometimes feel as if I am talking about someone else’s life. It feels kind of strange because I know it’s …

A (hopefully) new day

Dates can be a real measuring stick for me, and probably for most people who have grieved significant losses. Three years ago this month GR died. I feel like I have lived three lifetimes in these past three years. That’s a positive or a negative depending on your perspective. Since my intention was always and …

Peace

In Merriam-Webster’s dictionary there are several definitions for “peace.” One is: “freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions.” The peace I feel lately in my heart and in my mind is new and foreign. I’m trying to accept it rather than study it. But I can’t help but study it a little. It’s how …

Permission to be everything, including happy

Lately when I’ve been out and about in the world and run into people that I know they ask me how I am and when I say, “Great! I’m really good, thank you. How are you?” sometimes I sense that my reply takes them off guard. I have noticed that there’s sometimes a lingering pause …

New eyes, new landscapes, new freedom

Two years and eight-plus months out from GR’s death. Thirty-one years and six months out from my dad’s. Where does that put me today? Well, for one, I’m ready to move forward from being Brooke, the daughter of a man who died when she was 10 years old and also, Brooke, the wife of a …

Grief – take two thousand and one

You know it when it comes to visit because it’s not like the others. You know it because at first it makes you feel crazy. It makes you question everything. What is going on here? Why do I feel this way? You’re all like, what the fuck do you want now? From me?  Again? I …

The family that wasn’t meant to be

At certain points in my life, I wanted to have children with GR more than I wanted anything in the world. I pined for a family. Everywhere I went I only saw pregnant women. It was like I was starring in my own horror movie. Zombie pregnant women were always coming at me. It was …

The love I have is the love I give

Grief, my perpetual teacher, morphs and changes the longer we are acquainted. These days it’s teaching me about balance. About honoring the past, but living in the present. About having versus losing. About not letting an irrational yet understandable fear of more loss break both of my legs. You see, losing my dad at 10 years …

A voice with a message for a lifetime

I haven’t known how to write about this new season of my life, but I think about it a lot. I wouldn’t say it was necessarily easy to write about all my deep grief, pain and suffering; it was more like I had no choice in the matter. It was coming out my pores. I …