These days when I talk to others about my past experiences with GR’s cancer and death and loss and widowhood and anything and everything that has transpired in my life since February 21, 2016, I sometimes feel as if I am talking about someone else’s life. It feels kind of strange because I know it’s …
Tag: death
A (hopefully) new day
Dates can be a real measuring stick for me, and probably for most people who have grieved significant losses. Three years ago this month GR died. I feel like I have lived three lifetimes in these past three years. That’s a positive or a negative depending on your perspective. Since my intention was always and …
Portal to the past
It occurs to me today that I started this blog two years ago. Kind of hard to believe. Saturday (February 2nd) was GR’s 48th birthday. But he will forever be 45 in my mind. February is not typically my favorite month. It’s winter, it’s cold, it’s the month of GR’s birthday and the anniversary of …
Peace
In Merriam-Webster’s dictionary there are several definitions for “peace.” One is: “freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions.” The peace I feel lately in my heart and in my mind is new and foreign. I’m trying to accept it rather than study it. But I can’t help but study it a little. It’s how …
Permission to be everything, including happy
Lately when I’ve been out and about in the world and run into people that I know they ask me how I am and when I say, “Great! I’m really good, thank you. How are you?” sometimes I sense that my reply takes them off guard. I have noticed that there’s sometimes a lingering pause …
New eyes, new landscapes, new freedom
Two years and eight-plus months out from GR’s death. Thirty-one years and six months out from my dad’s. Where does that put me today? Well, for one, I’m ready to move forward from being Brooke, the daughter of a man who died when she was 10 years old and also, Brooke, the wife of a …
A voice with a message for a lifetime
I haven’t known how to write about this new season of my life, but I think about it a lot. I wouldn’t say it was necessarily easy to write about all my deep grief, pain and suffering; it was more like I had no choice in the matter. It was coming out my pores. I …
Dear Day-One-Widowed Me
I follow a few widow-related accounts on social media. The other day one of them posted a question to its followers. It said: “If you could go back and talk to your past self on day one of being widowed, what would you say?” What a good question, I thought, and kept thinking about it …
The gift of truly being heard
It was 4:30am on February 21, 2016 and I was showering upstairs while GR lay on his deathbed in our dining room. A hospice nurse had come to our home a few hours prior–around midnight–because GR appeared very restless, agitated and in pain. We thought his pain medication dosage needed to be increased. We were …
Society says
The Grief Conundrum* You can cry, but not too much. (Dry your tears quickly and first.) You can laugh, but not too heartily. You can search for joy. All you want and to your heart’s content. (You may find it, you may not. It’s still worth searching for.) You can (probably try to) be happy, …