Tag: heart

Grief – take two thousand and one

You know it when it comes to visit because it’s not like the others. You know it because at first it makes you feel crazy. It makes you question everything. What is going on here? Why do I feel this way? You’re all like, what the fuck do you want now? From me?  Again? I …

The love I have is the love I give

Grief, my perpetual teacher, morphs and changes the longer we are acquainted. These days it’s teaching me about balance. About honoring the past, but living in the present. About having versus losing. About not letting an irrational yet understandable fear of more loss break both of my legs. You see, losing my dad at 10 years …

Standing at the intersection of Here and There

Two years after GR’s death, I find myself at a crossroads in my grieving process for him. There is a passage from Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking that echoes often in my mind lately. She writes,“I know why we try to keep the dead alive: we try to keep them alive in order …

The value of being single AF

I am 41 years old and I have been single now for two years. This is the longest stretch I have gone not being in a relationship since I was 18. Which means I was not single for about 21 years. Twenty-one pretty formative years. That’s a long time. Can you say: NEW TERRITORY? Quite honestly, …

Dear Day-One-Widowed Me

I follow a few widow-related accounts on social media. The other day one of them posted a question to its followers. It said: “If you could go back and talk to your past self on day one of being widowed, what would you say?” What a good question, I thought, and kept thinking about it …

Grounded in light even in the dark

I have seen dark things, but I am not darkness. I lie propped up on the bolster on my yoga mat so that my head is above my heart. My shoulders are back, my chest is expanded, my heart is open. “On your inhale, visualize white light filling your spine from the crown of your …