Tag: life

It’s all (eventually) okay.

These days when I talk to others about my past experiences with GR’s cancer and death and loss and widowhood and anything and everything that has transpired in my life since February 21, 2016, I sometimes feel as if I am talking about someone else’s life. It feels kind of strange because I know it’s …

Peace

In Merriam-Webster’s dictionary there are several definitions for “peace.” One is: “freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions.” The peace I feel lately in my heart and in my mind is new and foreign. I’m trying to accept it rather than study it. But I can’t help but study it a little. It’s how …

Permission to be everything, including happy

Lately when I’ve been out and about in the world and run into people that I know they ask me how I am and when I say, “Great! I’m really good, thank you. How are you?” sometimes I sense that my reply takes them off guard. I have noticed that there’s sometimes a lingering pause …

New eyes, new landscapes, new freedom

Two years and eight-plus months out from GR’s death. Thirty-one years and six months out from my dad’s. Where does that put me today? Well, for one, I’m ready to move forward from being Brooke, the daughter of a man who died when she was 10 years old and also, Brooke, the wife of a …

Grief – take two thousand and one

You know it when it comes to visit because it’s not like the others. You know it because at first it makes you feel crazy. It makes you question everything. What is going on here? Why do I feel this way? You’re all like, what the fuck do you want now? From me?  Again? I …

The family that wasn’t meant to be

At certain points in my life, I wanted to have children with GR more than I wanted anything in the world. I pined for a family. Everywhere I went I only saw pregnant women. It was like I was starring in my own horror movie. Zombie pregnant women were always coming at me. It was …

A voice with a message for a lifetime

I haven’t known how to write about this new season of my life, but I think about it a lot. I wouldn’t say it was necessarily easy to write about all my deep grief, pain and suffering; it was more like I had no choice in the matter. It was coming out my pores. I …

For every season there’s a reason

It’s been three months since I wrote a post here. There are reasons for it. I haven’t known what or how to write about this new phase of grief and life that I’ve entered. I’ve been relishing BEING and not over-contemplating. I worked so hard at healing for so long after GR’s death that something …

Standing at the intersection of Here and There

Two years after GR’s death, I find myself at a crossroads in my grieving process for him. There is a passage from Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking that echoes often in my mind lately. She writes,“I know why we try to keep the dead alive: we try to keep them alive in order …

The value of being single AF

I am 41 years old and I have been single now for two years. This is the longest stretch I have gone not being in a relationship since I was 18. Which means I was not single for about 21 years. Twenty-one pretty formative years. That’s a long time. Can you say: NEW TERRITORY? Quite honestly, …