Tag: loss

A (hopefully) new day

Dates can be a real measuring stick for me, and probably for most people who have grieved significant losses. Three years ago this month GR died. I feel like I have lived three lifetimes in these past three years. That’s a positive or a negative depending on your perspective. Since my intention was always and …

Peace

In Merriam-Webster’s dictionary there are several definitions for “peace.” One is: “freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions.” The peace I feel lately in my heart and in my mind is new and foreign. I’m trying to accept it rather than study it. But I can’t help but study it a little. It’s how …

New eyes, new landscapes, new freedom

Two years and eight-plus months out from GR’s death. Thirty-one years and six months out from my dad’s. Where does that put me today? Well, for one, I’m ready to move forward from being Brooke, the daughter of a man who died when she was 10 years old and also, Brooke, the wife of a …

Grief – take two thousand and one

You know it when it comes to visit because it’s not like the others. You know it because at first it makes you feel crazy. It makes you question everything. What is going on here? Why do I feel this way? You’re all like, what the fuck do you want now? From me?  Again? I …

The family that wasn’t meant to be

At certain points in my life, I wanted to have children with GR more than I wanted anything in the world. I pined for a family. Everywhere I went I only saw pregnant women. It was like I was starring in my own horror movie. Zombie pregnant women were always coming at me. It was …

The love I have is the love I give

Grief, my perpetual teacher, morphs and changes the longer we are acquainted. These days it’s teaching me about balance. About honoring the past, but living in the present. About having versus losing. About not letting an irrational yet understandable fear of more loss break both of my legs. You see, losing my dad at 10 years …

The value of being single AF

I am 41 years old and I have been single now for two years. This is the longest stretch I have gone not being in a relationship since I was 18. Which means I was not single for about 21 years. Twenty-one pretty formative years. That’s a long time. Can you say: NEW TERRITORY? Quite honestly, …

The flip side of love

You never know when the tears are going to surface. There is usually no warning. Two days ago I boarded a plane from Taipei to Bangkok. There was no Wi-Fi and I’d finished my book. So I put in my earbuds, leaned my chair back and pressed ‘play’ on a playlist I’d downloaded on Spotify. …

We are never alone.

A couple of months ago I sat on the couch and told her that I’d never felt so intensely alone in my life. For weeks in a row I’d felt like I was made of cement. I’d been so tired. I felt depressed, like I was carrying around a backpack full of bricks most days. …